Thoughts of You, Thoughts of Us
by zcase
Summary: Songfic. Setting Season 2. Thoughts from Haley and Nathan while Haley is on tour. Slightly AU events.


First, I have not forgotten about my other two fics. I've been writing like crazy lately because I've had all these ideas. I love listening to music and have a wide taste of music. I _Never Told You_ has been on my mind and I wanted to incorporate it into a one shot. Then _Last Goodbye_ is one of my favorite Jeff Buckley songs. All you need to know is what is written in the summary. Please review and thanks for reading.

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything OTH related._

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><p><strong>I: I Never Told You (Colbie Caillat)<strong>

Haley sat on the couch in her dressing room strumming her guitar. Her honey blonde hair fell in her face and she stopped playing. She tucked her golden locks behind her ear and sighed. She had been on the road for ten weeks. She wanted to be able to account for every minute of those seventy days, but she couldn't. Her life was a blur. Her life more of less was a set of four songs under the stage lights that sometimes shone brightly in her eyes as she sang. The faces in the crowd were fuzzy at best. Every time she heard her introduction her chest tightened.

"Let's hear it for Haley James."

She cringed as she heard her maiden name, but she took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. As she stood on stage she would search among the fans as well as she could to find those piercing, deep blue eyes. She longed to see those eyes staring back at her, but she wasn't naïve. She knew very well that was a pipe dream, but why couldn't it happen? Why couldn't he magically appear in the audience much like her singing career had taken off? She softly cleared her voice and again forced a smile that never reached her hazel eyes. Then her fingers began moving nimbly over the guitar strings. Her mouth opened and out came her soothing voice.

_I miss those blue eyes_

_How you kissed me at night_

_I miss the way we sleep_

_Like there's no sunrise_

_Like the taste of your smile_

_I miss the way we breathe_

Three weeks ago she had begun to sing a cover of Colbie Caillat's "I Never Told You" as part of her set. As the weeks had gone by and nights turned into days, she had grown weary. With every chord she played her heart wrenched. Though her lips moved and her voice rang out through the venues, her mind was off elsewhere. Her mind wandered to where her heart had remained. She desperately fought to keep her focus ahead on some spot in the crowd; however, her mind wandered. She immediately wondered what he was doing at that moment. Was he home in the dark crying, missing her? Did he go about the day with ease without her? Did he wake in the middle of the night with a start once he realized she did not in fact occupy the space beside him?

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

_No I never told you_

_I just held it in_

As she rested on the green couch, she peered over at her cell phone that lay on the coffee table. Every night after her set she silently promised she would call him, but something had always come up. She had an interview or a meet and greet. By the time she finished it was late. The alternative was to pull out her notebook and write everything she had wanted to tell him. It quickly turned into an open letter to Nathan, her husband. Before she realized it, tears sprung to her eyes and fell onto the notebook watermarking the black ink. The words smeared on the page and as she hung her head staring at the lined paper, the words were a blur much like the last ten weeks.

_And now I miss everything_

_About you_

_I can't believe I still want you_

_After all the things we've_

_Been through_

_I miss everything about you_

_Without you_

She picked up her wedding band that hung from her necklace. Her eyes snapped shut, suddenly taking her back to the beach where they married. She dragged the gold circle up and down the chain as she remembered their vows. It felt like just yesterday they vowed always and forever to each other. She didn't know why she ran out. Did she regret leaving him? Yes, but not for living her dream. Her eyes fluttered open once her memory turned sour. The night she left for the tour flashed before her eyes. She sat on the island staring into his sad, disappointed eyes. She betrayed his trust. The irony was had someone asked who would betray whom the immediate answer would have without a doubt been Nathan. However, the truth was Haley made a mistake. She got so caught up in her dream. She became selfish and acted selfishly. Now all she had was the guitar as her companion.

_I see your blue eyes_

_Every time I close mine_

_You make it hard to see_

_Where I belong to when I'm not_

_Around you_

_It's like I'm not with me_

She was no longer whole, no longer complete. When she left, she had not expected to feel a huge hole in her heart. Though other artists and the fans would surround her, she never stopped to think how lonely she would be. A tear rolled down her face. She wiped it away hoping more wouldn't follow. She muttered two more weeks to herself trying desperately to convince herself that she could make it to the end of the tour. She wanted to finish her commitment, but at the thought she couldn't breathe. She realized she had walked out on one commitment for another. Sobs shook her body and she hugged her guitar trying miserably to find some comfort. The instrument wouldn't push her away or look at her with shame. Her hand fell against the strings creating a thud sound.

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

She sighed sucking in her bottom lip. So much left unsaid between her and Nathan would twelve weeks, eighty-two days be too many days to repair? She should've asked him to come with her. Her dream could've been his. He could've shared all this with her minus the pain. All those lonely days, lonely nights wouldn't have been lonely.

_No I never told you_

_I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything_

_About you_

**II: Last Goodbye (Jeff Buckley)**

Nathan tightly held his cell phone in his hand. He brought it to his forehead then back to his knee. He missed her. He missed his wife. The moonlight that seeped in through the patio slate blinds caught his wedding band. The dull gold band sparkled for the first time in months. He closed his eyes and suddenly was transported back to the beach. She stood in front of him smiling with stray curls blowing in the wind. He remembered he smiled back at her. He wondered what exactly happened to them. He wondered if she was ever coming back.

_This is our last goodbye_

_I hate to feel the love between us die._

_But it's over_

_Just hear this and then I'll go:_

_You gave me more to live for,_

_More than you'll ever know._

He attempted to visit her one night on the road. He wanted to talk to her before he left for High Flyers. He had initially turned down the offer not wanting to be away from her, but now that she had gone to focus on her dream he decided to take back his own dream. He recalled sitting in front of the dressing room mirror and seeing the picture of them then the picture of her and Chris. His chest tightened at the thought. He gasped for air. He couldn't breathe as he stared at the photo. She stood on stage performing with Chris beside her. She looked in her element and it scared him. It scared him that she would stick by her decision and stay on the road living her dream. What about him though? Her words echoed in his head: _I got my dream guy._ What about him?

She genuinely seemed happy to see him, but their moment was fleeting and the instant he spotted her wedding ring in the guitar case he knew he things were over. He realized he would remain hidden, in the past. She hugged him tightly, lingering longer than she should have because she was due on stage. She was holding up the concert. She kissed his cheek and when she pulled back she looked at him, really looked at him as if committing him to memory. When she ran out he removed the photograph of the two of them and tossed it in her guitar case next to her wedding band. He wiped away his tears and left without looking back.

_Well, this is our last embrace,_

_Must I dream and always see your face?_

_Why can't we overcome this wall?_

_Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all._

He sat in the living room of their apartment. It was his last night in their home. As he sat on the couch for hours he relived their short courtship trying his hardest not to blame himself for the way their relationship ended. He believed maybe he truly didn't know her the way a husband should know his wife. He must've been caught up in the idea of love and happily ever after. Wasn't that only in fairy tales and what every _girl_ had dreamt of? She was the first girl he ever had to chase. She was the first girl who hadn't tried to kiss him. She was the first girl who drove him absolutely crazy. She was the first girl who he dreamt about. She was the first girl who made him want to be a better person.

_Kiss me, please kiss me,_

_But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation._

_Oh, you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time_

_I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye._

He rested his elbows on his knees holding his head in his hands. He took a deep, exhausting breath. What happened? Where did he miss up because he knew he had to have been the one to ruin this? He was only good at ruining everything good in life. He didn't know love before Haley. And he had to have been the one to mess things up first. She couldn't have done such a thing, like betraying his trust without having a reason. He would never, no could never believe Haley would have acted in such a manner all on her own because before her he was always doing something stupid to get a reaction, to cause a fight. He now sat alone in darkness because of something _he_ did. At least that's what he would always believe.

_Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me"?_

_And did you rush to the phone to call?_

_Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying, _

_"Maybe, you didn't know him at all,_

_you didn't know him at all,_

_oh, you didn't know"?_

He slowly stood and turned around making a complete circle. The wedding wall had long been destroyed along with her keyboard. The pictures of them had long ago been taken down. All that was left was his pain, loneliness and heart. He squeezed his cell phone again when anger washed over him. He opened his hand staring at the device. He willed it to ring. He willed it to illuminate the darkness. He willed it to show her face, to read: Haley. Every night since she left he prayed as he lay alone in bed that she'd call no matter the time of night.

At first he was so lost. He was lost, hurt and sad, but as time passed he became angry at the world, especially her. He tucked the phone into his pocket and headed to the door. He grabbed the doorknob and shut his eyes. Memories of them flooded him and his grip tightened. As the final memory, the memory of her leaving flashed he removed his hand as if it burned. With one final look around he opened the door. Now he finally faced reality.

_Well, the bells out in the church tower chime,_

_Burning clues into this heart of mine._

_Thinking so hard on her soft eyes, and the memories_

_Offer signs that it's over, it's over_


End file.
